* AUNTIE ASTRID’S ANGST ARENA *Column compiled by Paul Chandler. Astrid is managed by Gareth Bellis.
Auntie Astrid is one of Oliver Louse’s favourite Agony Aunt’s – a very wise guinea pig indeed! Auntie offers wise advice to all kinds of animals. Maybe you will find some of her advice useful to you!
Dear Auntie Astrid, I will write to tell you of my annoying little brother, whose name is Huey. Although he is old enough to know better he often acts like a spoilt child when he can’t get what he wants. The other day it was my birthday; I won’t say which one – but it was a biggy, that is best forgotten. Anyway, when he saw that I was getting all the attention and that he wasn’t getting any presents, he stomped around the restaurant and threw himself into the fish pond, where he was nearly eaten by a koi carp. Being a butterfly the water threatened to badly damage his wings and he only just pulled through. Understandably all the attention turned to him and by the time it was discovered that he was actually quite well, my birthday was over. I daren’t ever celebrate it again, if he’s going to do anything quite this extreme again. What was most frustrating was that when I next saw my brother Huey he asked if I’d had a nice birthday and acted as if nothing had happened; he even acted surprised when I hinted that his little performance had somewhat changed plans.
Astrid, I really don’t want this to come over as if I am really very self-centred and all about “me”, “me”, “me” – I just wonder what you think I should do and whether I am sounding unreasonable.
With much affection,
Clara Flutterby xx
P.S. I should probably mention three other small points. A) My brother, Huey, has long since shed his pupae and is nearly his 24th day as a fully formed butterfly. B) He even had the cheek to send me the dry-cleaning bill for the suit that he ruined at my party; ruined because HE jumped into the pond during his mega-strop. C) Huey did not even buy me a birthday present.
Dear Clara,
Let me set this out quite clearly for you; your not-so-little brother, Huey IS A BRAT. This is something you surely know, but seem reluctant to address. I suspect that he is also the sort of person who is surrounded by yes-men who allow him to get away with his bad behavior; because it certainly sounds as if his family let him get away with murder.
The matter on the non-present is the least of your problems; his selfish behavior on your special day is unforgiveable. He acted irresponsibly, unkindly and without any thought for you. He is immature; but again you must know this. That your rotten brother would rather stage his own death than allow you some well-deserved attention speaks for itself, to be perfectly honest with you. I would almost go so far as to suggest that your friends and family did you a disservice by allowing his poisonous pranks to spoil the day. Quite frankly, if Huey had been MY little brother then I would have left him to drown; scrub that – I’d have even taken photos and posted them to my FLUTR site and then used the best picture for next year’s family Christmas card.
Good riddance to him, Clara…
So, what can you do? What should you do? Other than ignore him; which I know is extremely difficult…
Of course, in these circumstances, ignoring him seems too grown up an action; I don’t usually recommend such an extreme old testament reaction – but I’d say an eye for an eye is what is called for here…
Maybe wait until his next birthday and then superglue his eyebrows to his pillow, fill his birthday cake with tap-dancing moth larvae or failing that there is always witchcraft…
My dear Clara, the most important thing you must remember is not letting “young” Huey get away with this. Because if you don’t do something to punish him, my dear – then I can assure you that I most certainly shall.
Your supportively, but with some concern.
Auntie Astrid
This post was transcribed by Paul Chandler on 15th June 2008 and will be published in one of the Mouse of Commons novels due to be published in 2009.
